sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Of course I have a pirate flag
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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