you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
