make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
