Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
