I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
