So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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