i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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