***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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