Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
