This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
