I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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