i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
