You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
