Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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