Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
