im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
