He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
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About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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