i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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