Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize