Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
