nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
