plz talk dirty to me
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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