Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
