I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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