No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
