You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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