pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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