Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
