oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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