There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
