I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
