I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
