My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
