Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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