in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
