I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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