We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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