He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
