I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
