Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
