Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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