I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
