just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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