I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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