how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
