Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
