Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dignity is for republicans.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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