she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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