I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we're making bets on your personal life
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
