that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
