Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
