I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
