I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
