I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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