We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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