ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
