I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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