If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
