I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
