somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
