i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
