your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
