i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
