I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
