Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
