if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
