At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
