I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
