rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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