u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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