It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
