I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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