***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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