I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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