I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
