they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
