come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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