420 ftw
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
