12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
